So One Direction are set to star in a 3D film about themselves next year. Why? Just why? I know why, because the producers know that the only people that will go and see will be teen girls that are absolutely obsessed with the band. The producer of the film is none other than Simon Cowell. Now as we all know Simon Cowell has a terrible taste in films. He was the ‘genius’ behind the absoluteky dreadful film ‘From Justin to Kelly’ where the winner and the runner up of the first American Idol ran round on a beach, sang songs, and failed at an attempt to create any chemistry. Anyone with two braincells can see that that film was a cheap, cynical, transparent money making scheme. Why does Simon Cowell feel the need to make films, he already has enough millions.
Each member of One Direction is going to earn £10 million from this film. The only reason that Simon Cowell wants to make yet another atrocious film about one of the singers that he manufactured is so he can be all like ‘Yeah I can make films’. No Simon Cowell, no you can’t. You can make films that have no purpose other than to make yourself even more in the spotlight than you already are.
Even if I do expect this film to be an absolute flop here’s a couple of ways that they can maybe save their careers from nosediving:
Mercislessy rip off the Justin Bieber film – Yes Justin Bieber went down this route a couple of years ago when he had just started out. So maybe One Direction should just rip it off and that might make the film better
If it is scripted then let One Direction be themselves – we all know that many singers assume they can act – Britney Spears in Crossroads for example – but if there is a script don’t try and make them something they are not as this will make the film even more cringeworthy than I already assume it will be
Wagner cameo – ah the one person that the British public love to hate. He couldn’t sing to save his life but at least if he had a cameo it might be the highlight of the film
No doubt the film will follow the same sort of direction (see what I did there) that all these films that are based around celebrities. They go to foreign country, do some sort of performance there and then end up falling in love with some girl they meet there and then when they have to return home there is an emotional goodbye scene. Yawn. Change the record.
If One Direction want to actually save their career then I strongly advise that you stick to doing what you do best, singing and capturing the hearts of many teen girls. I wish singers would stop thinking that they can act, because the truth is many of them can’t